It's okay to Cry!!

Ya know- I grew up crying all the time. I mean it. Someone looked at me crossed eyed and I would cry. I have a very sensitive heart and soul that allows me to cry very easily. Since this cancer.... I have had a few quiet moments where I have not only cried, but sobbed. I told someone this week. I know I have cancer. But, on Tuesday, I realized I have cancer! It was a hard day. I just had a really good cry. It's Okay to take moments in our lives to just let go and cry. I shared my crying moment with one of the Doctors. She said we get caught up in the "Armstrong" cancer mode of being positive and everything is going to be great. But, you need to take time for you and feel sad at times. It is also Okay to laugh as well. Personally, I would would rather laugh than cry. I have done a lot of laughing this week.
I have had some wonderful visits. My sister, Sherry and her family stopped by and made me laugh. I had some wonderful friends and neighbors stop and just hang out with me. I had the Relief Society Presidency members come and spend an evening with me, and they made me laugh as well. Out of the clear blue I go two cards from friends. One from Camarillo and one from St. George. They made me smile and then laugh. I even got knock-knock jokes through facebook from my cuz.
I had kinda of a rough week. But, because of amazing people around me it was more than bearable. Thanks everyone for helping me through a rough one, without even knowing it. I know it is Okay to Cry.... But, it is also Okay to Laugh!

The Red Devil

The CT scan confirmed that Cancer is growing in the right breast. I went in on Friday afternoon to get a new type of "Stronger" Chemotherapy. It is called "THE RED DEVIL" I thought we left all the Red Devils at Evanston High School, that is their mascot.. hee hee.. This chemotherapy causes a lot more nausea, mouth sores and in general - fatigue. Okay, I'm tired! I am not able to get my "day after chemo shot" that rebuilds my blood levels back until Monday afternoon. This shot usually wipes me out! Hopefully, I can be somewhat productive this week. This chemo has already started to work - I can feel it.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and for fasting for me today. I can already feel more strength from your sacrifice.

One More Stepping Stone or Cog in the Cancer Proceedure

Yesterday, Thursday, February 17 was my scheduled Chemo treatment. So-- I go up early-headed to work to get a few things done there before heading off to the hospital for the chemo. Terry and I stopped at "Kneaders" one of my favorite sandwich and soup places for lunch. Yumm! We then headed into the Dr.'s Office. The doctor came in and I went through all my aches and pains. I told him that my feet were still numb. But, they felt like they were doing better. I told him that I had some pain in my breast... I mean ya know I do have Breast Cancer.... The right felt much more firm and not soft like it should be. And the left was hard in just certain places. He checked and suggested that we NOT do the Chemo today. I was shocked for a minute. I thought to myself, what could be going on now? The Dr. ordered a CT scan to be checked against the PET scan I had in December. So I left the Dr.'s office and hospital and headed to Imaging.
When Terry and I got to the Imaging department, yes more paperwork. I wished they would just talk to each other. It would save on time. Going over everything over and over and over again can be quite annoying.
The radiologist came and got me and the most embarrassing thing is when they find out how much I weigh (mostly over the phone) they think I am a "TEN TON TILLY". Which I am only a "Chunky Monkey". Anyway--The Radiologist gives me a gown that is a 5X or maybe even 6X. I mean this thing is HUGE, Tent like. I guess you need some fun to go with the not so fun. I got the gown on, I had to tie it up in the back before I put it on... I couldn't reach around that far, then I slipped it over my head. The back hung down open to the middle of my back. Oh the Joys.....
They accessed my port to put dye for the CT scan. The entire CT procedure took about 15 minutes. It was the prep and changing that took the time. Within 2 hours after the proceedure they had the results and notified the Dr. The Dr. call us about 5:45, Terry and I were home by then. The doctor said that there was some thickening in the right breast. That was a shock and concern to him. He said the Chemo should be making the breast supple and soft. Shrinking the cancerous tissue. He said based on the PET scan my cancer showed up at about 6 cm. in December. It has grown to about 7.5 cm. Okay the cancer shouldn't be growing. Positive note: The lymph nodes are getting smaller. But- there are two small nodules in the right lungs they are not sure about. They may be cancer or not... they are too small to biopsy. More JOY!
Sooooo- long story short- They are starting a new Chemo beginning today. This will be every two weeks. Hopefully the cancer will respond and decline instead of grow. Needless to say it was a very emotional night.
But then I got to thinking. Maybe, this Chemo is what is needed to get rid of the cancer. If I would have had the other Chemo it would have taken another three weeks before they knew that this was the way to go. Maybe, I need to remember that I am in the LORD'S hands and all will be well if it is HIS will. My job is to take care of myself, eat properly, get that needed exercise and keep the positive attitude coming in.
My daughters, Janell and Jenni, both said I need to stop taking care of everything by myself. I need to ask for help more often. I can't be in control all the time. So- they have asked a lot of people to join us in a family fast, this Sunday, in my behalf. I would love it if you could join in asking our Father in Heaven to help me and the Dr.'s to find a way this cancer can reduce in size. I already appreciate your love and support. I am stepping out of my comfort zone and asking for help. I have personally felt the effect of the previous fasting and prayer on my behalf. Prayer is a powerful thing. I will keep the faith! Thank you --May the Lord Bless You! Remember: Stepping stones or cogs it all in the attitude!!

St. George Quick Trip

The Dr. said I needed to get some time away from work and I needed some sun. So Janell made arrangements to go to St. George with Terry and I. We had a great time. There is something about getting away and not thinking about anything...... Just spending time with my sweet grand kids, my daughter and my husband. Sometimes getting the rest you need, means spending time with the people you love. Here are the pictures that say it all...

Facials are always a good thing......



Orange smiles are a good way to start any day!!




Are you ready to go swimming??


Terry's Ready!!


Janell and Teagan are ready!



Brickman and Grandpa Terry are warming up in the hot tub!


The swimming gang is all here!



Grandma Glori is just soaking in the SUN!!


Going to Marv's for Lunch..... YUMMMMY!!


Cold Stone Ice Cream anyone?


Brickman, Grandma Glori and Teagan ready for their ice cream!


Teagan likes the lick method!

Funny story at Cold Stone: Teagan dropped her ice cream, which landed upright..... then Brickman dropped his ice cream, which dropped upside down on Grandma Glori's shoe. Grandpa Terry just stared at it. Janell said, Dad are you going to get that? Terry started to bend over, lost his balance, regained his balance and the chair hooked on his belt. The chair flung out from underneath him and fell on the ground. It was amazingly crazily funny!!! We all laughed till we were sick. Crazy Grandpa Terry!! Good Times!!

The WEEK after....

The week after chemo is tough. Yes- I have a high tolerance of pain - thanks to sports in my life. I would rather play ball than worry about a sprained ankle. I learned to put the pain away and deal with it. I'm not sure if that is good or bad. Anyway- The second week is so much better. I feel so much better. I have energy, my brain is working again and I feel like I can get through the day without falling asleep.
Yesterday was a special day for me. (besides being the Superbowl.... which I admit I slept through) Jenni and Jared came to celebrate my birthday early. We had pizza, beanie weenies and chips with salsa. Real health food!! But is was fun. I opened the most incredible book given to me by Jenni and Jared. It is called "21 days closer to Christ". AMAZING! I am so excited to start the invitation, as they call it. I also got the subject that Terry and I will be speaking in Church. The subject, "The Enabling Power of the Atonement". I sure hope I am strong enough to get my message across.
One last gift was from my husband..... CHUCK. ------NOT CHUCKY. ------- I love Chuck. Terry got me the first three seasons on DVD. Now when I am bored after surgery I can watch Chuck. If you don't know Chuck he belongs to the Nerd Herd, at the Buy More.. He works for the C.I.A. It's a fun show. I was excited.
We are now looking forward to my birthday (still under 50).... St. George... and making Valentines with my grand kids. Life is very good!! Pictures to follow!!
Thank you all for kind words of encouragement. It means so much to have positive comments from you! It makes me stronger! After chemo it is especially helpful!! Thanks!

Chemo #3

January 27, 2010....Okay, here we go again. Terry left on Tuesday for a scout meeting in St. George. (Cedar City area) He had no cell phone service. Can I just say FRUSTRATION! I need the moral support of my husband, even if it is just a few minutes. Terry did find one or two bars on his phone so he could at least say HI. Jenni and Jared know what a whimp I really am.... They came to my house and stayed with me. Yes-even held my hand.
Janell showed up at about 11:00. It is amazing to me how God works in this entire process with trials. Terry usually gives me a blessing before I go to Chemo. I was very anxious on Wednesday and Thursday, so I asked Jared to give me a blessing. We worked it out to go to his work and in the basement parking garage Jared would give me a blessing. Like I said.... It is amazing to me how God works in the entire process with trials and knows who needs to bless and what needs to be said. I am so grateful for the priesthood so I can have a blessing. Immediately, after the blessing I was clam. I was filled with love for my son-in-law and my daughters. I felt at peace and knew that Terry would be alright as well.
Janell, Jenni and I went to the cancer center. My feet have been a little numb the past week. The doctor called it neuropathy. I guess with chemo it can limit the circulation to your feet and hands. Because of the neuropathy , the Dr. decided to cut down on the percentage of chemo they gave me.
Thursday, all day chemo..
Friday, the shot to bring my blood (red and white cells) back.
Saturday, Hanging out and bonding with my daughters, a great manicure and going through every school item in my basement. We got rid of 6 bins worth of old-out-dated school things. I thought they were important.. (Terry came home Saturday night)
Sunday, Slept.
Monday, Slept.
Tuesday, thought I could make it to work..... made it a 1/2 day and slept.
Ya know Chemo feels like you've been in a fight and you didn't even get a good punch in. NOT FAIR!! I just feel sore. (All over).